Strange Perfume

The smells of smoke and gasoline mixed with the stench of cow manure.  I couldn’t move and I wasn’t in pain.  The car was out of sight but the sound of the horn got louder and louder so I tried to concentrate on the birds’ chirping to slow down my breathing. I whispered, “I did this to myself. I did this to myself.”  The sun blinded me and I shut my eyes.

I remembered what he did to me to hurt me and feeling the pain but I don’t remember what the pain felt like.  I had lost the emotion behind the emotions.  They’re really good at killing stuff, especially a woman’s love and tenderness.  “I did this to myself. I did this to myself.”  I began to feel calm and after a while I was able to turn my neck and lift my head slowly.  I saw the round mound that was my belly moving up and down, up and down.  I didn’t care for what was inside it and I caught myself smirking.  I lifted my head further to see what was just behind my stomach in the background.  I saw the car wrapped around the tree.

I couldn’t see him but I knew he would eventually come out of nowhere and punish me.  I closed my eyes and visualized the wall back home. “I never loved you.”

I waited.

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