The smells of smoke and gasoline mixed with the stench of cow manure. I couldn’t move and I wasn’t in pain. The car was out of sight but the sound of the horn got louder and louder so I tried to concentrate on the birds’ chirping to slow down my breathing. I whispered, “I did this to myself. I did this to myself.” The sun blinded me and I shut my eyes.
I remembered what he did to me to hurt me and feeling the pain but I don’t remember what the pain felt like. I had lost the emotion behind the emotions. They’re really good at killing stuff, especially a woman’s love and tenderness. “I did this to myself. I did this to myself.” I began to feel calm and after a while I was able to turn my neck and lift my head slowly. I saw the round mound that was my belly moving up and down, up and down. I didn’t care for what was inside it and I caught myself smirking. I lifted my head further to see what was just behind my stomach in the background. I saw the car wrapped around the tree.
I couldn’t see him but I knew he would eventually come out of nowhere and punish me. I closed my eyes and visualized the wall back home. “I never loved you.”