It makes sense and it makes no sense.

One of her notebooks was completely filled with

the beginning is the end and the end is the beginning. the beginning is the end and the end is the beginning. the beginning is the end and the end is the beginning. the beginning is the end and the end is the beginning. the beginning is the end and the end is the beginning. the beginning is the end and the end is the beginning. the beginning is the end and the end is the beginning. the beginning is the end and the end is the beginning. the beginning is the end and the end is the beginning. the beginning is the end and the end is the beginning. the beginning is the end and the end is the beginning. the beginning is the end and the end is the beginning…

It was a warning not an oracle. I didn’t know that back then.

Despite what has happened, I do credit him with telling me the truth that one time.  He had cooked one of his lavish dinners and we sat down to eat. He said, “I’m a sinner who doesn’t give one fuck about forgiveness. The world ends when you’re dead. Let’s toast.”  We lifted our glasses of red wine. “To the night of our love,” he said.  We drank. I waited. And he didn’t kiss me.

So I chose to continue even with this knowledge but now it must end so that I can go back to the beginning. My heart reminds me that I should cry for lost time but I refuse. I’ve never been the crying type.

 

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