Author Archives: theboyfriend2010

no wishes, no affections, a mere heart of stone

I was five and I remember hating him because of his face.  I could tell he was weak and I loathed him before I was old enough to know that we’re all animals and that our survival depends on how … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

You’re not like me, God didn’t make you out of flesh and bone.

In my late twenties I suffered from anxiety attacks and when I told my grandmother she told me not to worry.  She said the anxiety would go away as soon as I turned 30. The complex things are eventually forgotten, … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Not even the red sky answers when I ask about you.

We had a fight after he found out I made an appointment with my doctor.  He tried to make me feel guilty for not trusting that he could take care of me; for doubting that he was committed to making me … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Madness Rules This Land

I suspected it was petty to want romantic love when men with guns walk around shooting children in the head.  I also suspected the man in my house was like those men outside.  Still, I wanted it. Stupidity trumps everything.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | Leave a comment

Strange Perfume

The smells of smoke and gasoline mixed with the stench of cow manure.  I couldn’t move and I wasn’t in pain.  The car was out of sight but the sound of the horn got louder and louder so I tried … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | Leave a comment

The Lama

I had seen him  walking and pushing his cart a few times.  I wanted to offer him some help, food or money, but every time he slipped away; disappeared around the corner.  I never spoke to him until that day. … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | Leave a comment

The Irreversible Hole in the Time Continuum that Takes Away the Irreplaceable

The tragedy is all over the newscasts. On Christmas Eve, an upper-middle class Connecticut home went up in flames.  Three little girls and their grandparents died in the fire.  Only their mother/daughter and her boyfriend survived.  As she tried to … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Find the Hope if you Can

What I lost when I accepted my relationship with him was only one of my fabrications, is bitter.  What I gained, unbearable.  Now, I must find a way to live with the bitter and the unbearable; the loss and knowledge … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , | Leave a comment

A good day for my enemies.

I thought it was something but it turned out to be nothing.  It took me a while to realize it and I never thought about it until I was stuck on that road, driving, next to him.  The second it … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

A perfect death after an imperfect life.

No one will ever know how important that love was to me.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment